On a Serious Note, Theatre

Dream on Life Support

Fuck. All of this.

Oh. It’s one of my least favourite times of the year. The seasons are about to change. I’m bipolar and this kind of thing always messes with my brain. That, and the fact that I’m going nowhere in life. It’s a stagnant well.

All I’ve ever wanted (Please God, is it too much to ask?) was to be an actor.

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Attempts at Inspiration, On a Serious Note, Rambling

Signs of a Struggle

Oh Narcissus…

You know those arty pictures? The ones that aren’t about a pretty model or trying to sell something? They tell a story. Yes, those ones. Anyway… Continue reading

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On a Serious Note

The Inner Scream

Social anxiety. It’s a term that we hear quite frequently these days. People who are scared of large groups of people. It’s also something that I’ve blogged about before, like the time I famously threw my popcorn in the trash at a cinema.

The thing is that I’ve been fighting a battle with social anxiety (or anxiety in general) my entire life. The first time that I can really remember is when I was five years old and got invited to a birthday party. The moment I got there I was panic stricken by the large crowd of other kids and I spent most of the party in the kitchen with the little girl’s mother. She was a medical nurse who fortunately realized that I was showing the early signs of childhood depression and that she needed to keep me calm. Continue reading

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Attempts at Inspiration, On a Serious Note

Be Happy This Christmas

Christmas… yes, Christmas.

Christmas is one of those yearly events that divides people into two different groups: the people who love it and the people who hate it. The people who love it like to play jolly holiday tunes and decorate literally everything with Christmas decorations – from trees to dogs, and even their own hair. The people who see these things tend to fall into a deep depression and cry themselves to sleep.

I use to love Christmas very much as a child. It was that magical time of year when everyone just seemed to get along and peace was abound. But some time after my 16th birthday that started to change. Christmas gradually started to become a time when I would start feeling heavily depressed and everything just seemed awful. The merciless December heat in South Africa also doesn’t seem to help. I’m much more of a winter person, so this hectic heat is more than I can bear. My birthday also happens to fall two days after Christmas Day, which really just makes it worse.

But I decided that this year would be different.

I’m not seeing this as a Christmas holiday. I’m simply seeing it as a holiday, a nice time to just sit and relax in front of the fan. We didn’t put up our Christmas tree this year, mostly because it is slightly broken and we have to tie it to the burglar bars to keep it from falling down. Also, I have two lively kittens who thrive on destruction, so I’m afraid that the poor tree might suffer too much. I’m not listening to Christmas music, but the music that I always listen to. And it’s great.

Yes, I do feel a bit melancholic. I lost a friend a few months ago, and today she has really been drifting around in my thoughts. I also lost my 18 year old cat, so I’m also missing her. But that’s okay, because it’s only natural.

So, what I’m trying to say is that this year you should just allow yourself to be happy. Do what you want to do. Listen to music, sleep, eat, watch TV. Anything, as long as it makes you happy. Lord knows, we could really use some happiness.

So be happy, because I’m tired of hearing about your problems. Just kidding, I love taking pleasure in your misfortune.

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