Last year I wrote about a friendship breakup that changed my life very drastically. I didn’t say it then, because I was hoping that it wasn’t true, but I knew that along the way I had lost another friend. A friend that meant much more than the one I “broke up” with ever did.
Our friendship ended quite differently to the one I blogged about previously. We didn’t fight. We didn’t have bad blood. We just… ended.
The thing that finally proved this to me was the other day when she shared very big news on Facebook. I found out from someone who read it before me. It hurt me badly, because I knew that two years ago I would have been one of the first people that she would have told. Now I’m just another person on Facebook.
It’s been almost 1½ years since the last time we saw each other. This isn’t because we were too busy or because we live too far away from each other. She just avoids every opportunity to see me. Whenever I have a show she says that she will come, but she never does. I use to contact her a lot, trying to set up a day for us to meet, but the conversations would always end abruptly, or she would simply ignore my messages. After a while, I stopped sending messages.
I think that what hurts the most about this is the fact that she was one of my very best friends. And I thought that she felt the same. I thought that we would know each other forever. I could see us working together and doing great things. But now I know that there is no way for that to happen. We’ve drifted too far apart. I’ve changed a lot since the last time we saw each other, and I’m sure that she has too.
I never thought that the last time that we saw each other would be the last time as friends. We were so close, or so I thought. All I know is that we are strangers now.
I can see us running into each other by chance ten years from now, and we’ll probably have nothing to say to each other. We won’t be at each other’s weddings (if I have one). If she has children I won’t meet them. We’ll never do the things that we said we would do. At risk of sounding melodramatic, it’s a dream that died.
It’s true that people drift apart and I’ve seen many friends come and go over the years. But we all have those friends we lose despite how much we want them to stay. I don’t know if I did something wrong. I don’t know if I was under some kind of illusion. But I do know that I will never forget her as long as I live, and whatever happens from here onwards, I hope that she is happy.
I really do.
“The secrets we once shared, they’ve turned into ‘I don’t care’.” ~ Anastacia