It’s Christmas Eve. I’ve never felt less into Christmas than today. Last year this time I wrote a blog post to tell people to be happy. This year I’m not in the mood for that.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not depressed. I’m not even really grieving (I think). I’m just tired. I’m so very tired to the bottom of my soul. But I can’t afford to be. Last week we finished packing up my father’s things. But it doesn’t end there. My mom is moving to a smaller flat before the end of the year, and we have to pack up and let go of some of my grandmother’s things. So many dead people. I’m sick of it. I’m also sick of the living dead. The people that I’ve decided to let go. One of them contacted me yesterday. She needed something. Big surprise. In other news, the man who killed my faith in romance is now dating one of my Grindr boys. Are you kidding me? My 24th birthday is in a few days. I can’t say I’m excited. I just want to sleep that day away too.
Basically, I had a few choices. I could sit and bang my head against a wall, but I’m an actor and my face is my moneymaker. A pretty shitty one, I don’t mind saying. Other than that, I could watch shitty TV or read a book. I decided to blog instead. I wanted to let you know that today, like the last few days, is a shitty day. For me, at least. Maybe for you too. So now we can be miserable together. Or maybe I made you miserable by reading this. Sorry kids, life sucks sometimes. Maybe you just don’t care. Good for you, less misery. Anyway, I just wanted to say that.
Also, why is it so fuckin’ hot? Ugh.