Yes, it happened. I got Grindr. I know…
I’ve made no secret of my attempts at online dating, despite the fact that Facebook is sending me to Hell. For socially awkward people like me it’s a relatively easy way to find guys. I can’t bring myself to go to gay bars and clubs, because I always feel like I’m going to be walking into a cesspool of STDs, and, perhaps even worse, large crowds of people that I’ll have to interact with. No. Just no.
For the last while, the gays on my Twitter feed have been going on and on about this thing called Grindr. Most of what they were saying wasn’t positive, but since when has that stopped me? I got Tinder last year and although I have met the occasional nice guy here and there, it became boring quite quickly. So, I decided to try Grindr…
My, oh my…
The moment I mentioned on Twitter that I got the app, the gays all jumped to say that I shouldn’t do it. And yet I found most of them on there. I understand this though, because I very quickly began to realise that rather than a dating app, it is more an interesting look into rather bizarre human behaviour. It’s also kind of scary. The icon reminds me of Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs. Nevertheless I have decided to share some of them with you:
“I want to lick your face.”
Yes, someone actually said this after I sent him a picture of my face. I didn’t really know what to say to that. I mean, it’s flattering, I guess, but it’s also not the kind of thing that you expect to hear. Later on I met the guy, because he seemed to be nice (and cute), but we didn’t see each other again. I’m guessing that my personality didn’t match my face.
Free Crystal Meth
This one didn’t even say hello or ask me my name. He just went straight for the gold: “Do you use Crystal Meth?” Now, I know that it’s rude to look a gifted horse in the mouth, but I would like to keep my teeth and preferably not die a painful death, so I politely declined. He then proceeded to ask me if he can bareback me. For those of you who don’t understand that term, go and check on Wikipedia. Now, once again he was offering me free sperm that could potentially contain God knows what, but I decided to politely decline again. And that was that.
“I don’t like fake people.”
I generally try to dodge the question about professions, but when I get asked about my career, I do feel that I can’t lie about it. And since I am actually an actor, I say so. This usually results in various reactions, ranging from whether or not I know famous people, am I rich, have I made a movie or starred in a soap. The answer is always no, because I generally do low budget theatre, and this doesn’t make big money or attract big stars. People also don’t seem to comprehend that acting isn’t about being famous, but rather working your ass off for a craft that you love. And you better love it, because it won’t bring you any glamour or big bucks. But I digress…
This one guy I was chatting to asked me what I do. When I said that I’m an actor, he seemed to be okay with it. We continued to chat for a while after that until he suddenly sent me a message saying that he doesn’t like to associate himself with fake people like actors. Honestly, I wasn’t really bothered, because he sounded a bit stupid, but I was still a bit dumbfounded. Oh well…
“You should consider becoming a prostitute.”
This happened not once, but TWICE, I’ll have you know. On both of these occasions we were talking about how difficult it is to make a living in the arts. Once again, I wasn’t sure if I should be flattered or not. This was until the one guy said that looks didn’t really matter. I gathered that this meant that they could put a paper bag over my head and pretend that I wasn’t so ugly.
“We want a playmate.”
I can’t even say how many times this happened. It seems to me like there are countless gay couples out there who like to find a random stranger to come and have sex with them because apparently they can’t satisfy each other sexually. I won’t lie, I find that a little sad, but to each their own.
“I don’t remember you.”
This motherfucker was one of the guys I met on Tinder last year. We met at a restaurant and to have coffee. I didn’t really get a word in, because he was babbling about himself the whole time. I very quickly realised that he liked himself way too much for him to be able to like someone else as well. After I got Grindr, he found me there and started chatting to me. I could remember everything about him: his name, how he got his driver’s license, the fact that his hair was turning grey, he use to live in England, etc. He admitted that all these things were true, but he didn’t remember me AT ALL. Really, bitch? Really?
“You’re too crazy.”
This is a guy that I met on Facebook and at an arts festival. I won’t lie, he’s very attractive and intriguing, so we’ve been chatting on and off for a while. I found him on Grindr and we started chatting again. Through the course of the conversation I made the mistake of telling him that I thought he was attractive. He then told me that he had suspected for quite some time that I liked him, but we are both too “crazy” to be compatible. Now, I can’t exactly say that I’m the most stable person around, BUT IT’S DIFFERENT WHEN I SAY IT. If you say I’m crazy that means that I was actually right about me being crazy in the first place and that there is no hope for me at all. Devastating.
…And then I found HIM.
If you’ve read my previous blog posts, you’ll know that there is this one guy that I’ve been pretty hung up about for quite a while. He kept stringing me along for over a year before finally admitting that he doesn’t really like me, just not in so many words. Every now and then I still chat to him on Grindr. I’ve finally made peace with the fact that he’s just not that into me, so it’s not because I’m still hoping to be with him. I just still find him to be one of the most interesting guys I’ve ever met. He says that he goes on Grindr because every now and then he finds someone worthwhile on there. Obviously I don’t fit into that category, but whatever dude…
So yes, that pretty much sums up my experience with Grindr. I still go on there every now and then because it can be quite entertaining, but that’s all it really is to me: entertainment. I have always been a loner and I’m used to being on my own. As I get older, I do find myself torn between being strong and independent and wanting someone to spend weekends with. And sometimes I want to be pushed against a wall like in the movies. It would be nice to have a boyfriend, I won’t lie. But I also know that having a boyfriend isn’t nice all the time. It can get ugly, and so can I. I’m by no means an easy person to live with. I also constantly need to remind myself that I’m only 23 and that being single probably isn’t one of the worst things I could be dealing with. And since I’m so freaking crazy, I should probably try and work on that. Also, I have a career that I’m trying to further.
I’m trying, you guys. I’m trying.