Yes, it’s true. After months of silence, I have decided to start blogging again. You can go ahead and tell all your friends and lovers and well, I don’t really care who the fuck else, as long as they get their asses over here and start reading!
When I originally started blogging, I had this vision. I thought that I was gradually going to start building up a group of readers who would start reading my stuff regularly. I was right. My mom and two or three of my friends would read my blog each week and say stuff like “That was so… interesting.” “That was so sad.” “When last did you see your therapist?” Well, you get the picture.
Anyway, after a while I began growing weary of digging into the deepest darkest corners of my mind to try and find something to write about each week, because it seemed like each week less people would read it. Writing is rewarding, but even more than that, it is fucking hard. I have a very small well of inspiration and when that bitch dries up I’m left stranded. I’m not one of those people like Stephen King who can sit and write thousands of words each day. There are some days when I can, but most days I just can’t. Because I was born that way. At least that’s what Lady Gaga would say, and you better not disagree with her or else her Little Monsters will tear you apart like the zombies in The Walking Dead.
I think that my biggest mistake that I made when I originally started blogging was that I had expectations. And expectations crush souls. I wish that I had learned that lesson by now, because I keep making the same mistake. I always build up huge expectations and they end up crushing me. I expected college to be a soul-fulfilling experience. In many ways it was, but because I had created this gigantic vision in my mind of what my time as a student would be like, there was simply no way that reality could live up to it. Each time I went for my driver’s license test I would create such a great fantasy of what my life would be like if I got my license. Now I’m about to try for the fourth time and I can tell you that it has taken a great toll on me. As for my love life… let me rather not get tragic.
Anyway, my point is that this time I’m going to do things a bit differently. I’m a few months older now and perhaps a bit more relaxed about results. I considered deleting the previous posts and starting a brand new blog, but I kind of feel like I would be lying about that time in my life. It would look as if I’m ashamed of it, and I’m not. In fact, in a weird way, I’m proud of it. Because I tried. Maybe I gave up too fast and “failed”, but I tried. And that’s what counts.
I’m not going to try and stick to some kind of deadline for my blog posts, because first of all, you people don’t pay me, so I can do what I want (and swear as much as I want too.) and second of all, I don’t just want to write something because I feel like I’m supposed to. That’s when I end up writing crappy things in which I come across as trying too hard and being a smart ass. And no one likes that. Right now it’s 1h32 in the morning and I’m writing because it feels right. And that’s the right time to write. Ugh, that isn’t very easy on the tongue.
So, stick around, because I might just blow your mind… Or underwhelm you beyond your wildest dreams.
Oh, and a shout-out to my few friends and my mom for reading this. Much love and thanks. xoxo